Excessive Stress Straining Parents’ Ability to Cope, Surgeon General Says

WASHINGTON — With technology and economic forces transforming the world at a “dizzying pace,” parents across the United States are struggling to keep up, and the stress this is causing has become a very real health concern.

That’s the assessment of U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy, who described his concerns in a report released on Wednesday.

Entitled, fittingly, “Parents Under Pressure,” it cites statistics from the American Psychological Association that suggest nearly half of parents experience overwhelming stress on most days, compared with 26% of other adults.

The same APA study, published last year, found 33% of parents reported high levels of stress in the past month compared with 20% of other adults.

“The work of parenting is essential not only for the health of children but also for the health of

society. Additionally, we know that the well-being of parents and caregivers is directly linked to the well-being of their children,” Murthy writes early in the report’s 36 pages.

“The stresses parents and caregivers have today are being passed to children in direct and indirect ways, impacting families and communities across America. Yet in modern society, parenting is often portrayed as a less important, less valued pursuit. Nothing could be further from the truth,” he writes.

Murthy places most of the blame for what amounts to an epidemic of anxiety on “new stressors” that compound the already stressful traditional challenges of parenting.

In the past, he writes, much of the stress in parents’ lives stemmed from their having to protect their children from harm, worry about finances and manage teenagers who were searching for independence.

In the 21st Century, however, “there are new stressors that previous generations didn’t have to consider,” he writes. 

“These include the complexity of managing social media, parents’ concerns about the youth mental health crisis, and an epidemic of loneliness that disproportionately affects young people and parents, just to name a few,” he says.

“As technological and economic forces have reshaped the world … it has also become harder for parents to prepare children for a future that is difficult to understand or predict,” Murthy continues. 

“Parents across all backgrounds want to provide their kids with a foundation for happiness and success. Yet too many fear they won’t be able to provide what’s necessary or their kids won’t be able to access what they need in order to lead a fulfilling life,” he says. 

Worst of all, he says, the more “parents feel they are falling short of meeting their children’s needs, the more they scramble to make up lost ground.”

Murthy knows from whence he speaks, in addition to being America’s physician, the doctor is a father of two.

He notes that oftentimes, parents respond to the feeling that success and fulfillment are increasingly out of reach by getting caught up in “an intensifying culture of comparison.”

Helping to fan the flames of this “culture” are so-called influencers and other online trends that fill people’s heads with “unrealistic expectations around the milestones, parenting strategies, achievements and status symbols that kids and parents must pursue.”

“Chasing these unreasonable expectations has left many families feeling exhausted, burned out, and perpetually behind,” Murthy says.

“Demands from both work and child caregiving have come at the cost of quality time with one’s partner, sleep and parental leisure time,” he continues.” The strain is even greater on parents caring for aging parents or other loved ones.”

Murthy says if we as a nation want to address this worrisome trend, important cultural shifts need to occur, changes in how we think and act that will “make parenting sustainable and to enable parents and caregivers to thrive.”

For instance, the surgeon general says it’s long past time that society respects time parenting on par with time spent working at a paying job.

This entails recognizing “the critical importance to society of raising children,” he says.

“Many parents and caregivers feel undervalued for prioritizing parenting over employment — whether that means choosing to be a full-time parent or managing the many work tradeoffs involved in being an employed parent. 

“We must recognize the importance of parenting and reflect it in how we prioritize resources, design policy, shape work environments and approach our conversations with parents,” Murthy writes.

He goes on to say that while parents and caregivers have the primary responsibility for raising children, “they shouldn’t have to do it entirely on their own.”

“Raising healthy, educated, and fulfilled children is … a collective responsibility,” he continues. “Societal support through policies — such as those that invest in the health, education, and safety of children — and community involvement through friendship, practical assistance, and emotional support are vital to the well-being of parents and caregivers and beneficial for children as well.”

Murthy also posits that parents need to be encouraged to talk more openly about the stress and struggles they are encountering.

“The truth is, many parents and caregivers have a tough time with the evolving demands of parenting,” he says. “Open dialogue about these challenges can combat feelings of shame and guilt and cultivate mutual support.”

Finally, he says, it is imperative that communities, schools, local governments, employers and policymakers take steps to foster “a culture of connection” among parents to combat loneliness and isolation.

Among the specifics he suggests are the implementation of a national paid family and medical leave program, increased financial assistance for child care, universal preschool, more flexible work schedules and expanded access to screening and assistance for mental health issues related to stress.

“By pursuing these shifts, we can foster a culture that values, supports, and empowers parents and caregivers. We can also address key stressors that drive parental well-being and mental health,” Murthy writes.

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